Going Solo: Single Parenthood, Preggers


I met an incredible artist tonight. Her name is Georgianna Hicks. First of all, check out her portfolio:  http://zealisnotacrime.carbonmade.com/


She created this depiction of Cinderella and I love it. I am currently trying to decide how to talk to my daughter about men. I saw this and thought, how perfect! This is the reality of Cinderella. This is how life is more likely to turn out (not exactly stabbing Prince Charming, but definitely feeling the anger when he turns out to be the opposite of what we expected). So, why should I lie to my daughter and tell her fairy tales of how some wonderful man will ride in on his while horse and carry her into the sunset? My story with men is not good right now, but it can be good, and for many of my girlfriends, it is.

When I found out that I was having a daughter, I immediately thought that I needed to decide what I am going to tell her about men. My own mother didn’t give me many warnings about men or much guidance in that department. Why would she? She found my dad in her late teens and was married to him when she was 20. She found what I consider to be the perfect man without a whole lot of trial and error. By the time she was my age, she was happily married to a wonderful man and had three children. The rest of us are not so lucky. I feel the need to let my daughter know up front what this is going to be like for her. And, if she turns out to be attracted to women, I have plenty of friends who can help her out with great advice. For now, however, I am going to assume that she will be dealing with men and give her a little advice.

When I told my friend I was going to write this blog, we were with her 8 year old daughter. Her mother and I asked her what she thought of boys and she said, “Boys stink!” In hearing this, I thought I could probably just write those two words and it would be enough to prepare my own daughter for what she needed to know. The problem is that my father was an incredible man and my daughter’s uncles are incredible men. My own uncles are incredible men. My male cousins are incredible men. One of them is a single father of three and, though I don’t see him often, I admire him and am impressed by his courage and strength as he works hard to raise his children. I have often thought that I just have bad luck with men and that perhaps the women in my life just lucked out in a way that I never will.

Let’s be honest about my situation right now. I’m five months pregnant and my daughter’s father has not done anything helpful or supportive during this pregnancy. The only thing he has done is to try to pretend none of this is happening. He was my friend and I have known him for years. I trusted him and thought highly of him at one point in my life. How am I supposed to explain to her that there are good men in this world when I feel stupid for believing they existed? We grow up with this belief that our soul mate is out there somewhere and that he is going to swoop in and woo us and we will live happily ever after. So, when a man shows us a bit of attention and starts the wooing, we trust that it is real and believe what we are told. Our problem is not the men. Our problem is our approach. We need to stop being doormats and start being a little bitchy.

Tune in next time for my explanation……


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