“I wonder everyday as I look upon your face, Everything you gave, And nothing you would take, Nothing you would take. Everything you gave…Did I say that I need you? Oh, did I say that I want you? Oh, if I didn’t I’m a fool you see,..No one knows this more than me. As I come clean”
In about 7 weeks, you and I will meet in person. You are the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thought on my mind when I go to bed. I cannot imagine that will change for the rest of my life. I truly believe that the day I die, you will be the last thought on my mind. I hear music now, music I have heard for years, and it all reminds me of you. You are a classical masterpiece, a sonnet, a love song. You are Pearl Jam, John Butler, Dave Matthews, and the Lumineers. You are Jay-Z and Kanye West. You are Alicia Keys. You are hip hop and rock, heavy metal, country and a lullaby all wrapped into one.
Before you were, I was alone. I have always been alone. Then, one day, I learned that you were growing inside me and that feeling of being alone, that feeling that has always been in my life was gone. People have asked how I dealt with this whole pregnancy alone. The thing is that I have never been alone in any of it. It has been you and me from day one. We have shared tears and laughter. We have shared ice cream and steak. We went to concerts and Phillies games. We even ran a half-marathon together. We traveled across the south and we did it together.
I want you to know that I will never regret making the decision to keep you. It has been an honor to spend the last eight months carrying you with me wherever I go. It has been my joy to be one with another human being as miraculous as you. Although I know that you and I will have many memories together in the future, there is a part of me that is already sad about that day that is coming in a few weeks when we will be physically separated. It will be so exciting to finally hold you in my arms, but hard to let go of the us that is one so that we can become two.
Someday, several years from now, you will venture off on your own and I will not get to hold you in my arms every day. On that day I will remember that you are the only other human being in this world that was ever a part of me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I will remember this and be forever grateful for the blessing of being chosen by you to be the vessel that brought you into this world. And on that day I want you to know that it was this time, this crazy 40 weeks of my life, which I will always cherish as the best of my life. I love you.