I am cheating again tonight. I found another thing I wrote about six weeks ago before I could publicly announce my pregnancy. It was just too important to me not to share it. I’ll write something all new tomorrow.
I do want to share that this baby, this little butterfly inside me, has been fluttering around all day today. I think he or she is ready to come out. Perhaps we are both impatient and just want our meeting day to come already. I feel like I have been waiting my whole life for that moment.
I want to celebrate you. I want to scream out loud how I excited I am that you are coming. I want people to throw you welcome parties even though you are only the size of a peach and still in the womb. I want to blast Bach’s Cello Suite and make the world think of you when they hear it. You are that beautiful sound weaving in and out and making everyone stop to listen. You are my only thought as the sun rises and my prayer when the sun goes to bed. I am already thinking of your tiny toes and your soft skin.
When married women get pregnant, everyone wants to talk about it and rejoice with them. They cannot wait to spread the news to everyone they know. When you are not married, even in 2012, people seem somehow afraid to talk about it. They do not want to tell their kids because they will have to explain how a baby is coming and I am single. It seems so strange to me when I feel like this is the most wonderful thing that has and probably will ever happen to me and I have to act like there is nothing new going on in my life because I don’t want to upset the people around me.
It is not your fault that your father and I are not married. It is not your fault that people around me do not yet realize just how awesome and amazing your very existence is. You are a miracle. Your life is no less important than the life of a child whose parents are married or who planned their birth. You will not be defined by who your parents are or what people think about how you came into this world. I will spend the rest of my life making sure that much is true. God help the person who says the words bastard or out of wedlock in front of me.
You are my masterpiece. You are my Cello Suite…